12.

I know that it’s true. It has to be. Facts are facts. He was born in 1999. It’s 2011.

The time has passed about as quickly as it takes to read these words. It is in times like these that I wish I was not a forward thinker. Because you know what my mind is doing– “If he’s twelve, then that means we’re already 2/3rds of the way through… We have left to do once what we’ve already done twice.” I have to turn my mind off. Because it makes my chest tighten, my heart ache just a little. The older he gets, the more I understand my parents. The older he gets, the more inexperienced and befuddled I feel. The more I want to call my Dad and ask him to figure him out. The more I rely on my Mom’s listening ear. The older he gets, the more I realize I am inadequate and Paul is so much more patient. The more I think about what I was like at his age. The more I hope he can learn from the experiences he’s had in life, that they will positively shape him as an adult. The older he gets, the less I know. I do realize that we have it good. He’s becoming a young man of purpose and intent. I hope it will serve him well.

And as much as I’d like time to turn backward in its flight, for right now, I know this:  we have today.

Happy Birthday, Joel Thomas.

Really, really love you.

Skimboarding. Cape Cod, 2011.
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